Kia Ora, Let’s Talk About Helping a Mate

Hey, it’s a tough one, seeing a friend struggle. Especially when it comes to something like gambling. It’s a pretty common thing here in Aotearoa, with online casinos and sports betting being so accessible. If you’ve noticed a friend spending a bit too much time or money on the pokies, online casinos, or betting, you’re probably wondering how to help. This guide is for you, the beginner, the mate who wants to lend a hand but isn’t sure where to start. We’ll break down how to spot the signs, what to say, and where to find some support, all in a way that’s easy to understand and, hopefully, a little less daunting. Even if your friend enjoys a flutter at a place like https://betandplaycasino.co.nz/, it’s important to know when it might be becoming a problem.

Spotting the Signs: Is Your Mate in Trouble?

First things first, how do you know if your friend actually *has* a problem? It’s not always obvious. Here are some things to look out for:

  • Money Worries: Are they constantly short on cash? Are they borrowing money from you or others, or talking about financial stress?
  • Secretive Behaviour: Are they being secretive about their gambling? Do they disappear for hours, or avoid talking about where they’ve been?
  • Chasing Losses: Do they keep trying to win back what they’ve lost, betting more and more each time? This is a classic sign.
  • Mood Swings: Are they irritable, anxious, or depressed, especially when they can’t gamble?
  • Neglecting Responsibilities: Are they missing work, neglecting family, or skipping social events because of gambling?
  • Withdrawal Symptoms: Do they get restless or agitated when they try to stop gambling?
  • Lying: Are they lying about how much they’re gambling or how they’re spending their money?

If you see a few of these signs, it’s time to have a chat. Remember, it’s not about being a judge, but about showing you care.

Starting the Conversation: How to Talk to Your Mate

Okay, you’ve noticed some red flags. Now what? Talking to your friend can be tricky, but here’s how to approach it:

  • Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately and without distractions. Somewhere quiet and comfortable is best.
  • Be Calm and Non-Judgmental: Start by expressing your concern and letting them know you care. Avoid blaming or criticising. Use “I” statements, like “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
  • Listen Actively: Let them talk. Don’t interrupt or offer solutions right away. Just listen and show empathy. Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t understand them.
  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking “Are you gambling too much?” try “How are things going with your gambling?” or “How are you feeling about your finances lately?”
  • Avoid Lectures: No one likes being told what to do. Offer support, not sermons.
  • Be Prepared for Denial: They might deny they have a problem. Don’t push it too hard at first. Let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready.

What to Say (and What to Avoid)

Here are some examples of what you *can* say:

  • “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
  • “I care about you, and I want to help if I can.”
  • “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about what’s going on.”
  • “Is there anything I can do to support you?”

And here’s what you should *avoid* saying:

  • “You’re addicted!” (This can be accusatory)
  • “Just stop gambling!” (Easier said than done)
  • “You’re being irresponsible!” (Judgmental)
  • “I told you so!” (Never helpful)
  • Offering to lend money (This can enable the behaviour)

Supporting Your Mate: What You Can Do

So, you’ve had the chat, and now what? Here’s how you can offer ongoing support:

  • Encourage Professional Help: This is the most important thing. Suggest they talk to a therapist or counsellor who specialises in gambling addiction. There are services in New Zealand that can help.
  • Help Them Find Resources: Research local support groups, helplines, and online resources together.
  • Be a Good Listener: Continue to be there for them to talk to, without judgment.
  • Suggest Alternative Activities: Encourage them to find new hobbies or activities to fill their time. Go for a walk, watch a movie, or try a new sport together.
  • Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no. Don’t lend them money, and don’t enable their gambling. Protect your own financial and emotional well-being.
  • Be Patient: Recovery takes time. There will be ups and downs. Be patient and supportive throughout the process.
  • Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re taking care of your own mental health and well-being. Talk to someone you trust, or seek support for yourself if needed.

Where to Find Help in New Zealand

There are several fantastic resources available in New Zealand to help your friend (and you):

  • Problem Gambling Foundation: They offer free counselling, support groups, and online resources. They have a 24/7 helpline.
  • Gambling Helpline: Call 0800 654 655 for free, confidential support.
  • Your GP: They can provide referrals to therapists and other support services.
  • Mental Health Services: If your friend is experiencing mental health issues related to their gambling, your local mental health services can offer support.

Conclusion: Lending a Hand, One Step at a Time

Supporting a friend with gambling problems is a challenging but incredibly important thing to do. It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to offer help without judgment. By being a good listener, encouraging professional help, and setting healthy boundaries, you can make a real difference in their life. Remember, you’re not alone. There are resources available to support both your friend and you through this difficult time. Take it one step at a time, and remember that your friendship and support can be a powerful force for positive change. Kia kaha – be strong.